Reflections of a Pregnant Church

By Kelly Sankowski

I can feel myself stretching.
There is tension in my skin,
and soreness in my breasts
as they usher life in.

I am enlarging the space
inside of myself;
This Body made up
of so many parts.

They were all comfortable,
all had their roles;
An eye as an eye
and an ear as an ear.

But something new has been added:
Fresh growth causes pain.
The organs in my Body
must rearrange to make space.

There are days when I wish
it was still just me;
in charge of my Body –
comfortable, clean.

It would be easier
to remain the same –
to eat the same food
and drink the same drinks.

To keep my rooms tidy,
arranged as they are.
To sleep when I sleep
and wake when I wake.

But I can feel the movement within.
Something – someone – nudges my ribs.

How can I,
imperfect as I am,
be the one to bring life
while broken with sin?

I have used my hands to hurt.
Can I use them, now, to hold?

I have held my heart close.
Can it now really grow?

I have trod in circles on my now-swelling feet.
Can I use them, now, to walk a straight path?

Forgive me, my children,
for the harm I have caused.
Teach me, now,
to be open to all.

I must nourish this growth
with my own Body and Blood,
waiting for the hour
when my time will come.

When I must expand even more
and let the Spirit draw near.

There will be pain;
there will be blood;
there will likely be tears.

For indeed,
without them,
no new life could appear.

Artist Statement

I believe our bodies are sites of revelation where we can find truths about God. As I read the synod documents this summer, the imagery of an expanding tent resonated with me as I felt the growing pains of my own body expanding. Just as the ropes of the tent referenced in Isaiah 54:2 must adjust to hold the tension of the newly enlarged cloth and the tent pegs must remain firm yet mobile, my own body has been working hard to readjust, maintaining my own life while also making space for someone new. All pregnant women must go through the pain of pregnancy and childbirth in order to bring new life into the world, and I believe this reveals something true about all good change. As we discern the path ahead as a Church during this upcoming synod, I hope we remember that the pain and discomfort that comes from these transitions is a necessary part of growth, and not a reason to turn back. If we embrace these pains and together learn to expand, apologize, and move forward, I have hope that beautiful new life will indeed emerge.

About the Artist

Kelly Sankowski is a freelance writer and editor based in Toledo, Ohio, where she lives with her husband and two-year-old son. She holds a B.A. in English and Religious Studies from the University of Virginia and an M.A. in Theology and Ministry from Boston College. Her Master’s thesis focused on ministering to adolescent women through bodily spirituality, and she is passionate about elevating the voices of women in the Church. She currently serves as the content coordinator for FemCatholic, where she also contributed to investigative reporting on maternity leave in the Church and pregnant students on Catholic college campuses. Over the past few years, she has also served as an editorial assistant for the Catholic Women Preach book series. She looks forward to welcoming her second child in October.