Friday, March 21
“Remember the marvels the Lord has done.” - Psalm 105:5
“Where are you in this God? Why is this happening?” I said to myself, writhing in bed in the middle of the night, just about a year and a half after coming back to the Catholic Church, during one of the most painful seasons of my life. I had just been fired from my job after filing a complaint against my employer for ethics violations I observed. It was a decision I would not have made if I had not come back to the Church. A weighty decision, that I took to prayer, to the scriptures, and to spiritual direction, that I knew could have negative professional, financial, and emotional consequences, but that I felt I needed to make because of what I knew to be true, my renewed faith, and my commitment to the teachings and practices of the Church.
In the middle of loss, betrayal, illness, suffering, or trauma of any kind, it is hard to imagine a way out. Pain can be blinding and can distort our perceptions. The tendency (my tendency, to be honest) is to sink, shut down, and doubt (myself and God). This is why the act of hope, of remembering God’s promises and goodness, surrendering, and trusting in the middle of suffering is a transformative, powerful act of courage, that brings us straight to the cross and face to face with God, our creator and savior. As St. Padre Pio said, "the Cross will not crush you; if its weight makes you stagger, its power will also sustain you.” That night, I had never felt more raw, more stripped bare, and yet more reliant and close to God. Remembering the peace and joy I finally felt after coming back to the Church, reciting the ingrained prayers of the rosary that I learned in childhood, were the anchors that finally helped me sleep that night and helped me get through that difficult season.
Lent is a time of remembrance. We begin the season with ashes and remember that we are mortal, and that this world is passing. We remember our shortcomings and atone for them in the confessional. We remember God’s goodness—that He made a way through the Red Sea, that He works for the good of those who love Him, and that He rose from the dead because He loves us. We remember the marvels of the Lord.
Author’s note: After I was terminated, I filed a wrongful termination EEOC complaint with the help of a lawyer I met because of the Peace and Justice Ministry at my parish. My former employer paid me a settlement compensating me for lost wages. Two months after my termination, I began working at a nonprofit that was more aligned with my values and offered better benefits, pay, and work-life balance.
Janine Christiano currently serves as the Government Alliance on Race and Equity (GARE) Director of Strategic Partnerships at Race Forward and is Board President of the Before Gethsemane Initiative, a Catholic nonprofit focused on racial reconciliation and uniting the body of Christ. She is a mother, wife, and eucharistic minister.