Holy Saturday
I was 28 years old when my father died after many years of health issues. When planning for this imminent event, he bestowed the title of executrix upon me, so I had to manage his estate while in the fog of grief.
My dad had never left my hometown of El Paso, Texas. If you have never been, it is geographically as far west in Texas as you can go. Tucked into the mountains, it is a beautiful desert city.
I remember one day during that time with such clarity that it was as if it were yesterday. I had to go downtown to meet with my father’s attorney. As with most every day in El Paso, it was a sunny, warm day.
The grief I was feeling was like nothing I had felt before. Losing a parent is like a tether that has been holding you down, anchoring you to the earth, is gone. You’re floating, unsure of where and if you’ll land again.
In this floating haze of sadness, I began to notice the people on the streets. They were hurrying to meetings, talking to one another, and completely unaware of the event that had turned my life upside down.
Didn’t they know? How could they be so flippant, so uncaring? My world had shattered, but in some uncomprehensive way, it was going on around me as if it hadn’t.
How could this be?
This utter grief and incredulousness is, I believe, as close as I can come to what the people who loved and followed Jesus throughout His ministry and to the tomb were feeling.
Their lives, their world, and their faith were shaken to the core. They were unsure of what to do and how to go on in the midst of the immense loss.
I want to go back to my 28-year-old self and tell her that the grief never goes away but that it would all be OK. In fact, she’d go on to live an amazing life filled with love. Even though she’d never stop missing her dad.
Jesus’s followers didn’t know what was coming. That they would be witness to a miracle that would change everything forever. That what Jesus had been telling them all along was true — He was the Son of God sent to redeem the world. And they would all be with Him in heaven someday.
On this Holy Saturday, let us understand that even in grief, darkness, and uncertainty of what comes next, we have a savior who will never abandon us to despair. And what comes after will be so much more than we can imagine.
Cathi Kennedy is a convert to Catholicism and she seeks to learn something new about her faith every day.
You can find out more about her here.