March 7th, 2024
God cannot speak to a hard heart.
Well, actually he can and he does. He is speaking all the time. I just often have a hard time tuning into his voice. He is always speaking; he is always trying to reach my heart because he is always offering his gift of creative light and life.
“All is gift.” I hear this phrase repeated most often by my spiritual director who likes to remind me of this when I am complaining about some difficult circumstance that is taking place in my life.
“What is the gift in this?” she will often ask me.
Usually, at first anyway, I don't want to hear this. I want to, rather, get some pity for myself for what I am going through. It is in those moments that I become aware of the hardness of my own heart.
“I know I am supposed to see all things as gift, but right now I just can’t even…”
And there it is; I tell myself I can’t. This is evidence to me of hardening my heart. In these moments I have to ask myself; “I can’t; or I won’t?” When I think this way, I am effectively shutting myself off from hearing God’s voice. God who often speaks in the midst of difficult situations.
Lately I’ve been reading He Leadeth Me by Walter Cizek SJ; one theme that keeps coming up throughout this book is this: I must learn to become aware of God’s will in all my circumstances, no matter the circumstances; be they hard or easy. When I choose to look for God in all things, as St Ignatius says; when I become aware of his actions in the midst of my present circumstances, I am doing the work of softening my hard heart so that I can hear his voice.
Amazing things happen when I can actually soften my heart toward God. A softened heart is a creative heart. My softened heart is able to experience the creative ideas that the Holy Spirit wants to download into my soul. A softened heart is able to receive the creative and artistic energy of the Spirit of God to produce the artwork that is already resident in my heart, waiting to come out to bring glory to God and bless others.
Gary Thomas
I am an artist and an Ignatian trained spiritual director. I currently serve as evangelization coordinator at St Francis of Assisi Catholic Church in St. Louis.
I love helping people connect with Jesus through art and spiritual direction. I am currently writing an online memoir of my conversion from Assemblies of God pastor to the Catholic Church. Feel free to follow me here: https://garthoma.substack.com/