February 26th, 2024
I haven’t always had the best relationship with Catholicism—or God. I went through some dark years in my early adulthood without practicing my faith or believing in God. An apple was just an apple. There were no such things as miracles. We were all going to die. Not exactly a happy way to live.
But for some reason (habit, I guess) I still gave something for Lent every year. And “giving up” something turned into kicking a bad habit to better myself. One year I gave up procrastination, which taught me how much better it felt to take out the garbage before binge-watching TV, rather than binge-watching with the guilt of taking out the garbage hanging over my head. Another year, I gave up ten minutes a day to tell someone I cared about them. I learned we’re all walking around thinking we’re cared about much less than we are.
Since reconnecting to Catholicism, I’ve kept this Lenten tradition. This year, around New Year’s, I listened to a sermon that said everything we have and are is “on loan” from God. When we insult or don’t care for ourselves, others or the world around us, we’re insulting and treating God poorly. That really struck me.
I wouldn’t insult a friend for the mistakes they made or go into someone’s home and throw the dinner they made me away. That would be horrible. So my New Year’s resolution was to stop being mean to myself. And, for Lent, I decided to give up wasting food.
I struggled at first. Turns out, yelling at yourself: “Stop doing that!” doesn’t work all that well. The week of Ash Wednesday, I threw a bunch of food out, which then caused me to break my first resolution with some really mean thoughts about myself. But the following week was a little better. And the week after, it got even easier. Then, something interesting started to happen.
As I planned my meals around my week, my focus shifted from “not wasting food” to “what a great week I have coming up.” I know when I’m seeing friends for dinners out and when I have time to write. I have great meals to look forward to, and I have begun to feel more grateful for the food I have access to. I feel better—more accomplished— which makes it easier to think nice things, which makes it easier to pass that gratitude along to others, into my writing, and back to God.
What started as “I don’t want to feel guilty for letting things spoil in my fridge” turned to feeling grateful as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. I’m so grateful for this apple – I’m so lucky to have access to it, to savor it, to be nourished and fueled by it so I can live the life I’m so blessed to have. This year, I “gave up” wasting food for Lent. And I learned that an apple isn’t just an apple, it’s a little miracle if you’re open to seeing it.
Ali Keller is a writer, producer, and dramaturg based in NYC. https://www.alikellerplaywright.com/